How to Build Leverage in Your Life (So You Stop Feeling Trapped)

Throughout human history, one constant remains: our drive to gain control over our environment.

On a macro scale, this impulse transformed us from vulnerable mammals into masters of the natural world.

On a micro level, it shows up in everything from seeking promotions to crafting our social media presence.

The truth is simple: you feel happy to the degree you have control over your life and circumstances.

No one enjoys feeling helpless, confined, or unfree. Yet millions experience these feelings regularly, being stuck in situations where they’re overworked and underpaid, trapped by bad habits, or feeling perpetually undervalued.

The difference between those who escape these circumstances and those who remain trapped often comes down to one concept: leverage.

And leverage is one of the key pillars of architecting and designing your life.

This is available as a podcast: 

The Psychology of Control

Your happiness correlates directly with your sense of control. This concept is called “locus of control.”

People with a strong internal locus of control believe they’re responsible for their own success. They’re willing to do whatever it takes, for however long it takes, to create the life they want.

Those with an external locus of control believe outside forces determine their fate. They assign blame to things beyond their control, leading to what psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman termed “learned helplessness“—passive resignation from repeated exposure to seemingly unavoidable events.

Most of us fluctuate between these mindsets across different life areas.

The key is strengthening your internal locus of control and building it into more aspects of your life.

How to Build Leverage in Your Life

1. Understand Your Unique Advantages

Everyone has a set of natural advantages. Call them strengths. Call them talents. Call them superpowers.

The problem is most people never identify them, and even if they do, they don’t build on them. They treat them like trivia.

But your strengths are not trivia.

They’re seeds of leverage.

For example, one of my natural dispositions has always been strategic thinking. I noticed early in life that I tended to see longer-term consequences more clearly than many of my peers.

That didn’t make me perfect.

It didn’t make me immune to mistakes.

It didn’t stop me from wanting short-term pleasure.

I’m human.

But it did mean that in most situations, I considered the long-term impact of what I was doing right now.

And over time, those decisions compounded.

That compounding is how leverage is built: quietly, then suddenly.

The early 2010s were the shift into Web 2.0. Smartphones were rising. The internet was becoming the primary infrastructure of modern life.

This was when I was first entering college.

So my first year, I declared my major in Digital Media.

There was no immediate payoff.

Some people didn’t get it.

When I declared my major in the early 2010s, the program was in its infancy. Friends laughed when I mentioned eCommerce (which I began to be obsessed with).

My dad, especially, wasn’t enthusiastic. Not because he was evil, but because strategic thinking isn’t his skill. He has other talents.

But I knew the internet would be critical for 21st-century success.

Thirteen years later, I work in a highly demanded field with expertise that took years to build.

I’m location-independent, run a marketing consultancy working with Fortune 500 companies and professional sports teams, and have recruiters regularly seeking me out.

This happened because I stood firm like an oak in the storm, holding onto a long-term vision when others couldn’t see it.

Everyone has superpowers. Some you’ll discover immediately; others require digging. Find yours and use them strategically.

2. Put In Now, Harvest Later

One of my favorite books, The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson, centers on avoiding instant gratification.

It uses the farmer’s analogy: you plant, then harvest. Every farmer understands this sequence.

But we live in a push-button world that creates the illusion you can skip planting and go straight to harvesting. This is a dangerous fantasy.

For years, I planted seeds.

As a 17-year-old, I planted goals that didn’t sprout until I was 27.

During those ten years, many things seemed to deliver no results. Virtual crickets. My faith was tested.

Then one day—BOOM.

Everything started happening at once. The dam cracked and the flood came. Ten years.

But here’s my question:

Can you hold onto a vision for a decade until you finally hold it in your hand?

3. Make Financial Independence a Priority

You can’t talk about leverage without talking about money.

Money is not the only lever, but it is one of the most powerful.

Because it buys you:

• options
• time
• mobility
• breathing room
• the ability to say no

Here’s what most people don’t understand:

Society is not designed to make you financially independent. It is designed to make you financially dependent.

Money goes to taxes, insurance, transportation, food, rent, debts, kids, emergencies, medical costs, family obligations.

After this, for many people, there is nothing is left.

So if you do not make financial independence a conscious priority, you will drift into permanent dependence.

Financial leverage starts with one decision:

“I will become financially independent.”

Then it continues with behavior:

• saving
• investing
• skill-building
• earning more
• controlling lifestyle inflation
• avoiding debts that restrict freedom

A classic book that frames this well is The Richest Man in Babylon by George S. Clason.

The message is timeless: pay yourself first, build assets, let compounding do its work.

Leverage doesn’t come from wishes.

It comes from assets.

4. Avoid Getting Attached Too Early

This is where people get emotional, so let’s be precise. Some commitments are beautiful. But a lot of commitments become cages if you take them on too early.

When you’re young, the value isn’t just energy or time, it’s actually low(er) responsibility.

That’s when you should be asking, seriously:

What do I want my life to look like?

Instead, many people rush to build a life that looks impressive to others:

• expensive car
• expensive house
• prestigious job title
• relationship for status
• kids before they have a stable foundation

These can be good things in the right season.

I’m not against relationships or family. They can be fantastic tools for growth and meaning. But they also limit mobility and fluidity.

Once you’re in a committed relationship, it’s no longer about “you”—it’s about “us.”

They can also become what they’ve always been called: the trappings of success.

They look like freedom from the outside, but from the inside they can feel like handcuffs.

Especially for men, because being a provider is deeply tied to self-esteem. You want to be generative. You want to contribute. You want to carry weight.

But if all you do is provide and you build nothing for yourself, you become a shell.

This is why relationships require maturity.

It can also slow your movement drastically if you’re not established yet.

Because the moment you become “us,” it stops being “you.”

So the principle is this:

Get as much out of the way as you can before you settle down.

• Pay down debt.
• Build skills.
• Create mobility.
• Establish your foundation.

Then choose commitments from power, not pressure.

5. Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

Many people work hard, but it’s senseless when your focus scatters everywhere. You can’t accumulate power and leverage without focus.

In general, many people get triggered over elections and politics.

But they did the same in 2020, 2016, 2012, 2008, and 2000.

I learned long ago: don’t debate politics, religion, or money in general company.

These loaded topics only lead to argument and I’m too busy building leverage.

This relates to internal locus of control.

You can’t control national elections. Do your civic duty and vote, but arguing on social media is hot air.

Keep your eyes on the prize.

6. Play Your Position

This is perhaps the most important lesson, and it falls into three failure modes:

• Trying to seize power too early without leverage
• Not knowing who you are relative to others around you
• Thinking you’re in a more leveraged position than you actually occupy

As Robert Greene writes in The 48 Laws of Power: never outshine the master. Play your position.

When starting out, you’re a pawn on the chessboard.

You can be fired or replaced anytime with little cost.

You have little leverage:

• fewer skills
• less status
• less credibility
• less security
• fewer options

Your job is not to demand queen treatment as a pawn.

Your job is to earn leverage and move up the board.

So what does playing your position look like?

• You show up on time.
• You do what’s expected, then a little more.
• You build goodwill.
• You don’t gossip.
• You don’t try to dominate.
• You don’t threaten.
• You learn how the system actually works.
• You build relationships quietly.
• You become an asset instead of a liability.

A lot of people get fired for dumb reasons because they didn’t understand their position. They acted like they were in leverage when they weren’t.

Gen Z workers who acted entitled.

A customer service assistant making demands without providing equivalent value.

A VP who thought his title made him untouchable.

When I started my first marketing job at $10/hour for 32 hours weekly, I did everything expected and more.

I introduced myself to everyone in the 50-person company, asking about their careers and genuinely listened. Senior executives started inviting me to lunch and giving me career advice—for free.

When my director later gaslighted me about going full-time, I gathered intelligence, made a plan, and quietly secured another position. I played my position until it was time to move.

Two people had to fill my role because I’d been doing full-time work for part-time pay.

I played my position, and I played it well.

Conclusion + Wrapping Up (Your Fruits Will Reveal You)

Success isn’t a popularity contest. You weren’t put on earth to please everyone. You’re here to contribute in your unique way.

The Bible’s Book of Matthew states: “By your fruits, ye shall know them.” An oak tree doesn’t produce apples. You only know what something is by what it produces.

Many of my early choices were unpopular with friends and family. But once they bore fruit, results were undeniable.

The parable of the talents teaches another lesson: a master gave three servants different amounts of property.

Two doubled their investments and were rewarded.

The third buried his talent in the ground, claiming he knew the master was a hard and unjust man. The master called him a lazy fool and cast him out out of the estate into outer darkness, never to see the light of the estate ever again.

Are you working with what you have to double, triple, or 10x it?

Or do you expect to magically gain the upper hand without putting in work, then curse the sky when the life you want drifts further away?

This is a question we must ask ourselves every single day.

Many people waste time, money, and energy on things that don’t contribute to leverage. They get broker, sicker, and less free by the day…a downward spiral.

Building leverage requires unpopular choices, delayed gratification, and unwavering focus on long-term vision.

But the alternative is permanent helplessness.

The choice, as always, is yours.

Play your position.

Frequently Asked Questions About Building Leverage

What does it mean to build leverage in your life?

Building leverage means increasing your ability to influence your circumstances with less effort over time. This can include financial leverage, skill leverage, social leverage, health leverage, and positional leverage. The goal is to create options, freedom, and resilience so you are not constantly reacting to life but shaping it.

Why do I feel stuck or powerless in my life?

Feeling stuck usually comes from a lack of leverage in one or more key areas: money, skills, health, confidence, or control over your time. Psychologically, this often aligns with an external locus of control, where you feel outcomes are dictated by forces outside yourself. The solution is not motivation, but systematically rebuilding leverage where it is weakest.

What is locus of control and why does it matter?

Locus of control refers to whether you believe your actions meaningfully affect your outcomes. An internal locus of control means you believe you can influence results through effort and decision-making. An external locus of control means you believe outcomes are mostly determined by luck, other people, or systems. A stronger internal locus of control is closely linked to higher performance, confidence, and long-term success.

How do you shift from an external to an internal locus of control?

You shift your locus of control by taking responsibility for small, controllable actions and stacking consistent wins over time. This includes building skills, improving health, managing finances, and honoring commitments to yourself. Each completed action reinforces the belief that your behavior matters, which gradually restores personal agency.

What are examples of leverage beyond money?

Leverage is not limited to money. Other forms include:

• Skill leverage, rare or valuable abilities that compound over time
• Time leverage, systems or assets that free up your schedule
• Physical leverage, health and energy that expand your capacity
• Social leverage, relationships that open doors and create opportunities
• Geographic leverage, the ability to live and work where you choose

Money amplifies leverage, but it is rarely the starting point.

Why is financial independence so important for leverage?

Financial independence reduces dependency on any single employer, person, or situation.

Even partial financial independence creates negotiating power, lowers stress, and increases freedom of movement.

Without financial leverage, most people are forced to tolerate conditions they would otherwise reject.

How long does it take to build real leverage?

Real leverage is built over years, not months.

Most meaningful leverage compounds quietly before becoming visible.

It is common for progress to feel invisible for long stretches, followed by sudden acceleration.

This is why patience, long-term thinking, and delayed gratification are critical traits for anyone serious about changing their life trajectory.

Why do tradeoffs matter when building leverage?

Leverage requires saying no to short-term comfort in favor of long-term advantage.

Tradeoffs are unavoidable because time, energy, and attention are finite.

Every commitment you take on early, whether debt, lifestyle inflation, or obligations, reduces future flexibility.

Leverage comes from choosing restraint now to gain freedom later.

Is building leverage selfish?

No, building leverage is about becoming capable, stable, and self-directed.

When you have leverage, you are better positioned to help others without burning yourself out or becoming resentful.

Lack of leverage often forces people into survival mode, which limits generosity and long-term contribution.

Why do so many people fail to gain leverage even when they work hard?

Hard work without focus does not produce leverage.

Many people scatter their energy across too many goals, distractions, and emotional battles they cannot control.

Leverage requires concentrated effort in a few high-impact areas over long periods of time, not constant busyness.

What does “play your position” mean in real life?

Playing your position means acting in alignment with your current level of leverage rather than pretending you have more power than you do.

Early on, this means learning, observing, building skills, and earning trust.

As leverage increases, your range of action expands. Failing to play your position often leads to conflict, setbacks, or lost opportunities.

How does leverage relate to confidence and self-esteem?

Confidence is a byproduct of leverage.

When you have skills, options, and evidence that you can handle adversity, confidence becomes grounded rather than performative.

Self-esteem improves when you consistently honor commitments to yourself and see tangible progress in your life.

Can you build leverage at any age?

Yes. While starting earlier gives more time for compounding, leverage can be built at any age.

The core principles remain the same: identify advantages, build valuable skills, manage finances intentionally, protect your energy, and focus on long-term positioning.

The timeline may differ, but the process does not change.

What is the biggest mistake people make when trying to gain leverage?

The biggest mistake is seeking shortcuts or validation instead of building foundations.

People often chase appearances of success, status, or quick wins rather than assets that compound.

Leverage is created through boring, disciplined actions repeated over time, not dramatic gestures.

How do I know if I’m actually building leverage?

You are building leverage if:

• You have more options than you did a year ago
• You feel less reactive and more deliberate
• You can say no without fear
• Your skills or income are compounding
• Your stress comes from effort, not desperation

If none of those are true, it’s time to reassess where your energy is going.