How to Be More Masculine in the 21st Century (6 Mindset Shifts)

In our current world, it’s easy to feel as if you aren’t “enough”.

Whether it be the messages from television or from social media, you’re always told that your own competence lies outside of you.

Women have their own self-esteem lowering messages directed towards them, but in this case – many men are told they are not “masculine” enough. Many guys are told that in order to become more masculine, you need to:

• buy a product
• be good with women
• be super jacked

While all of these things may make you “seem” more masculine, they don’t make up for the fact that at the end of the day – you just don’t feel man enough.

This article is going to be focusing on some ways to develop true masculinity so you have an inner core of radiating confidence.

Why A Lot of Men Don’t “Feel” Manly

“The more our self-esteem is tied to our competency or perceived competency, the more debilitating shame will be for us, whether it’s coming from us or from others.” – Robert Augustus Masters, To Be a Man

In our not so distant past, men were considered the protectors and providers of civilization and society. Men were often deployed in manual labor or the military. Usually, the woman stayed at home raising children or tending to the home while the man was out working or fighting.

As time has gone on, our society has changed from one centered around hunting and gathering, into one centered around manual labor and manufacturing, then finally to “knowledge work”.

As society has become more mind-centric, women have the opportunity to work alongside men in things that were considered traditionally men-only roles.

More women than ever are doctors, lawyers, managers, etc. and more women graduate college at higher rates than men.

On top of that, we live in a world where war and fighting isn’t really that common. Thus, men are not needed in the traditional sense for fighting and providing.

Since men aren’t needed in traditionally masculine roles, some men get insecure and feel as if their masculinity is threatened. A

And because women can virtually do anything a man can do, males look for signs and advice on masculinity “out there”. This has made many men retreat even further into themselves and become weaker in the process.

However, our new world allows masculinity the opportunity to be developed internally, especially since real masculinity has its roots in a true, biological place.

What is a Masculine Man? – The Biological Seed

As someone who was born a male, you have anywhere from 10-15x the testosterone of a woman.

Testosterone is responsible for a wide variety of different things, however, it is most known for modulating aggressive tendencies and affecting your physical nature.

As a young man, this is obviously going to affect your psychological disposition towards life. This is why people are so concerned with testosterone and why the marketing of scammy pills is a multi-million dollar industry.

So biologically, we understand the seed of masculinity is present. But of course – if you don’t nourish or water a seed, it doesn’t grow. There are things you can do to nourish and water that seed.

And it’s no surprise that true masculinity can only be developed through challenge. Biologically, someone can be “male” but that doesn’t make them a “man”. It doesn’t mean they have masculinity.

It’s also surprise that males have a tendency to taking more risks, fight for resources, and in general show more dominance because testosterone drives that forward.

In addition to that, we are still biologically “hunter-gatherers”, it’s just that the current thin veneer of civilization covers that up. But if you pierce deeper and if you get to the core of what people really want, you’ll see that often what they portray is different from their deeper desires. But that’s a different topic.

So the things to become more manly are are internal. Becoming more masculine is an “inside game“.

How to Become More Masculine – The Inside Game

Masculinity is about your actions taken over time. Anyone can “be a man” today but it’s really about what you do over the long run. It’s a way of acting. And that action comes from practices and mindsets.

This isn’t a complete list, a full list of what you can do to be masculine would be an entire book (which there are many on out there). However, here’s some ways you can develop your masculinity in the mean time. Start putting these into practice.

1. Austerity

Austerity means to eliminate the comforts and cushions in your life that you have learned to snuggle into and lose wakefulness. Take away anything that dulls your edge…Unadorned suffering is the bedmate of masculine growth. Only by staying intimate with your personal suffering can you feel through it to its source – David Deida, Way of the Superior Man

In times past, young men who were developing their masculinity would go for a time without the usual comforts of civilization. This was essentially “warrior training” in order to make them become accustomed to conditions where the usual comforts of life aren’t accessible. So, eschewing comfort was part of this socialization process.

What happens when you embrace comfort is two fold:

1. You want and need comfort to be present in everything
2. Your standards for what is “comfort” rise

In the modern world, comfort (and indulgence) is everywhere, so it takes effort to purposefully build austerity into your life.

Implementation: Try to need as little as possible in your life, only the bare essentials. There are so many ways you could do this. You could incorporate intermittent fasting in your life. You could restrict video games. You could be abstinent from sexual activity for a certain period of time. You basically try to make your life as basic and “dry” as possible. This may mean going on a period of monk mode.

I talk more about this an episode on the warrior mentality:

2. Sharpen Your Craft

Self-efficacy and self-reliance are cornerstones of masculinity. In the past, societies would cast boys outside from the civilization in order to help him develop as a man. If he came back, he was considered a man.

A man had to provide some value to the tribe or group, which meant he had to develop himself at a useful craft.

Implementation: Find a line of work that you can develop your skills in and become as good as you can at˜ it. This may involve some sort of schooling or you might be able to find something that you like on sites like Udemy or Skillshare.

3. Stop Objectifying Women

One thing that men, especially young men do is objectify women and put them on a pedestal. He makes her a goddess and believes that getting into a relationship with her or having sex with her will solve all of his problems. Again, this is another symptom of seeing masculinity as something “out there”.

But what’s the reality?

The reality is that women you objectify are people as well. She’s a human being with her own wants, needs, desires, fears, and insecurities. Men who objectify women will often resort to “nice guy” type behavior in the presence of attractive women, which makes you look like less of a man. Believing women have qualities that will rescue you from despair is setting you (and her) up for a terrible interaction.

Implementation: Men who objectify women oftentimes don’t have much experience with them. The first thing to do is to make female friends. There are some men who moan at this, but this is the first step to realizing that women aren’t another species. Do that before you start trying to do anything else.

4. Lead Interactions

In any male/female dynamic, the man will naturally be expected to lead the interaction. In fact, many women want you to lead because they were probably socialized not to be too “pushy” or they don’t want to make you look less masculine.

Even in any interaction where you’re not one on one with a woman, men are often expected to lead groups or interactions.

Coming from a Jungian archetypal framework, this is the “King” energy expressing itself.

Implementation: Volunteer to move interactions towards a favorable end for everyone involved. Speak up more often. Give your opinions on things at work. Make plans to do things with your friends. In general, you want to be known as someone who can orchestrate, gather, and most importantly lead when you have to.

5. Develop Physicality

An entire dimension of your psychology rests on the interaction of your physical body and the outside environment. Namely, how easily you’re able to maneuver your body in relationship to it.

Your body has its own intelligence and thus an entire field is dedicated to it (kinesiology). If you aren’t finding ways to get physically sharper, you are doing yourself a massive disservice in the attempt to become more masculine (and also a better human in general).

Implementation: A lot of guys focus on lifting weights as a way to develop this area of themselves. While strength training is important, it’s not everyone’s primary cup of tea. Whatever you do (running, swimming, yoga, etc.) find some way to become very adept at it.

6. Good Routines

What you do every day will come to define you, for better or for worse. Therefore, it’s always good to have certain practices that route your day into a certain channel. These often come in the form of routines and practices.

You need something you do everyday or almost every day in order for it to be a good routine.

Implementation: In addition to some of the things mentioned above (working on your craft, exercise), there are many other things you can do in both the morning and the evening to get you ready for the day and to wind you down. If you want some ideas check out A Powerful Morning and Evening Routine for Men.

Conclusion + Wrapping Up

Many males don’t feel like “men” because they aren’t doing the things that express and cultivate masculinity. Masculinity is not something you can buy from Walmart or Nordstrom, it’s only something you can cultivate within. You cultivate it by your actions over time and those actions come from a mindset and a way of thinking.

This is the only way to develop true self-esteem and become someone who embraces life instead of runs from it.

What are you doing to develop masculinity in yourself? Let me know in the comments.