Signs You’re a Loser or On Your Way to Being One (and What To Do About It)
If you’re reading this article right now, then there is a high chance that you know certain things about yourself need to change.
This should not be an occasion to throw a pity-party. Instead, this should be the time for a self-assessment and tune-up.
In this article, you will learn 9 signs that you are living like a loser, how to correct it, and how to start living a life of abundant and bountiful success.
Why Men Stay Stuck In Loser Mode
Our culture isn’t kind to men now a days. In fact, it’s not kind to anyone – but if you’re a man who finds himself “on the bottom of the totem pole”, then you will certainly find it difficult.
In the article I wrote on how to stop being a loser, I made the assertion that a loser isn’t someone who is “uncool” or “lame”, rather it’s someone who doesn’t give value. It’s someone who takes more from their environment than they give to it.
I don’t think it’s possible to give absolute zero value in most cases, but there are many guys who are simply doing the bare minimum and expecting the world to bow down at their feet for it.
Someone who is a loser may be a good, nice guy – but simply being a good and nice guy doesn’t compensate for lack of resources (such as money, a social network, status, etc.).
And just because someone is a “nice guy“, that doesn’t mean that they will get what they want out of life. More often that not, they will result to socially perverse behaviors instead.
Why This Matters
You should be concerned about being a loser because assessments of value are baked deep into our DNA.
Hundreds of thousands of years ago, our ancestors lived in very harsh environments where survival was an A1 priority. Therefore, to ensure survival, humans gathered together in tribes/packs because 100 people are better than 1 against outside threats.
Every member in this tribe had to “pull their weight” in a sense. If someone didn’t, they were considered “dead weight” and therefore cast out of the tribe (meaning inevitable death).
Therefore, this “value judgement” is hardwired into us.
People want an exchange of value for interacting with you in some way.
People always are asking in the back of their head “what’s in it for me?”
And if you think that’s “unfair”, think about how you interact with people.
If you interact with a cashier, their utility to you is their ability to conduct a transaction successfully.
They may be nice, they may be a good person – but it still doesn’t remove your desire for utility. You want a cashier to help you complete a purchase. That is their value to you at that moment.
Same thing for you reading this article and looking at this site. If I provided no value in my articles and if I simply said that I’m a nice guy and you should like me, you would think I’m a clown of some sorts.
People are looking at you in a similar way. This can be summed up in the question:
“Is my life better or worse than it was before I interacted with this person?”‘
A person who gives value answers this question with the former. A loser answers it with the latter.
The Comfort Trap of Modern Society and How It Creates Losers Wholesale
In modern society, especially in the West – there is a large emphasis on “comfort” and avoiding its opposite, discomfort.
A man can be a total net negative to the larger ecosystem he belongs in (house, company, city, country, etc.) and still have resources to survive (not thrive).
He can be a fully grown adult male who has no job, has no desire for getting a job, plays video games all day, uses his parents money for food, lives in his parents’ basement, and is generally an unpleasant person to be around – yet he will still survive.
People will definitely see this man as a loser, yet because he is not existentially threatened with poverty – he’ll find little incentive to change that, especially since the modern world rewards this type of behavior.
When you engage in this behavior over time, you train yourself to expect massive reward relative to little effort. In conjunction, you create the habit of escapism. This together is a double whammy to your ability to do actual, constructive work and get the actual rewards that come as a result.
And the scary part about all this? This is so deeply embedded into our culture that you can find yourself slipping into this pleasure seeking mode unconsciously, even if not a so-called loser.
And almost no one will call you out on it.
If you’re someone who looks to be doing alright in life, people will just shrug their shoulders 🤷🏾♂️.
This is especially dangerous if you’re doing “alright” in life. Meaning you are living “paycheck to paycheck” and you are just content with “surviving”.
But as we all know, things don’t stay the same for long. Things are either subtly declining or subtly increasing over time.
If you fall into this pleasure-seeking mode, you will inevitably decline.
So if you don’t want to stay stuck “surviving” and work until the day you die – then I suggest you remain vigilant against this tendency.
The Big Truth
There’s a big truth that modern society has hidden from you either purposefully or outright. And that is: so what?
Like I implied earlier, so what if you’re a nice guy? Sure, you may be pleasant to be around…but what good is that going to do for people?
- Do you have the strength to defend you or your family if someone tries to take advantage of them?
- Do you have the grit and the mental fortitude to lead your team if you’re in a leadership position of some kind?
- Do you have the ability to make people’s lives better in some way?
If not, then it doesn’t matter how nice you are.
And that’s the trap that a lot of (nice) guys fall for.
“If I’m nice enough, I’ll get rewarded.”
That worked in school. If you were a nice guy in school and well-behaved, the teacher would have looked favorably upon you. Socially, you may have suffered – but you would have probably done well in school.
That’s not how it is in real life.
Again, people’s favorite radio station is WIIFM (what’s in it for me) and they want an answer to that question in some form. And I’m not necessarily talking about tangible value here.
You might be socially/emotionally intelligent, you may be well-connected, you might make a great conversationalist, etc.
But either way, you must transmit value in some form, or you’re a loser.
9 Honest Signs You’re Living Like a Loser
This is not an exhaustive list, but if you check the box on or resonate with the majority of these, then there’s a strong chance that you are a loser or are on your way to becoming one.
1. You Make Excuses (for Everything)
In his book No Excuses, Brian Tracy says that most people never achieve anything noteworthy because they flee to an island called “Someday Isle” and make excuses all day long.
If you fall for this thinking, you will suffer the same fate because people who make excuses never produce any value and thus are “losers” in the eyes of others and society.
At some point, you’ll need to get the wheels in motion and get going. Life waits for nobody.
Turnaround: Ask yourself: is there someone who has my similar excuse yet is still doing well or even better than me in any particular area? Use them as motivation and a model to move forward
2. You Keep Waiting for the “Right Time”
This follows from the point above. While there are times where it’s easier/better to do certain things, there is almost always no “right time”.
Waiting around for the right time will inevitably lead to misery, heartache, and eventual failure.
Turnaround: Gather the requisite materials you need for domination, then make your move. You don’t need to beat around the bush with everything.
3. You Escape Instead of Facing Reality
Life is hard…that much should be obvious.
But what makes it harder is running away from it instead of facing it head on.
This is normally done through the standard dopaminergic traps: drugs, video games, Internet, sexual media, etc.
These push the pain away…for a little while. Then, everything comes back rushing in and next thing you know – you’re back in the cycle.
Turnaround: Address the question: “what feelings and emotions am I running from?” Once you do that, you make your path out of it that much clearer.
4. You Talk More Than You Execute
The saying “talk is cheap” is cliche for a reason. That’s because talk doesn’t get work done – work gets work done.
Everyone can talk, not everyone can do.
Turnaround: Do something without announcing it to the world. Take a trip and don’t post about it on Instagram. See what that does for your mindset and your confidence over time.
5. You Crave Female Validation & Offer No Value
Many men desire the attention of beautiful women without putting in any effort or without bringing anything of any reasonable value to the table.
Life doesn’t work like that. As a man, your value often comes in the form of confidence, charisma, earning ability, or some other matrix factors that brings value.
This is what many people won’t tell you.
Turnaround: Find ways to develop intangible qualities in yourself – things such as social intelligence, your skills, your confidence, etc. See what that does for you over time. In the mean time, find a way to unhook yourself from excessive female validation.
6. You Have No Purpose, Just Distractions
As I said earlier, it easy for people and for men to be distracted by much of the entertainment around in society. Unfortunately, many of these things will not do much to advance your station in life and more often than not they’ll just hold you back.
Turnaround: Find something that really lights you up and try to go “all in” on it. That is your “purpose”. It doesn’t need to be grand, it doesn’t need to be existential – it just needs to be for right now.
7. You Fear Discomfort More Than Stagnation
Losers typically fear “going without” than “going within”. They don’t want to take a 30-day break from watching TV so that they can get clear on their life goals or stop spending money temporarily in order to save up for something.
Turnaround: As you ascend the ladder to develop your purpose, you’ll encounter various rungs of discomfort. Your duty is to push past these and attain your goals as fast as possible.
8. You Play It Safe Around Other People (Especially Other Men You See As Superior)
Losers fear the loss of whatever self-image they have around people they know, so they don’t take any social risks. They don’t ask people out to do things, they don’t talk to new people in a social setting, or they don’t volunteer their opinion when there is a group discussion.
This is especially if there is a sizable contingent of “alpha males” in the group, people who men who haven’t achieved much in life may see as superior.
This is a marked difference from being “quiet”. You can be a quiet guy and still be someone who takes social risks.
Turnaround: Don’t be a wallflower. State your opinions with confidence and clarity and don’t shrink away from them. If you’re in a group and you see a woman who catches your eye, talk to her. Don’t fade away into nothingness.
9. You Are Lazy With a Capital L
There’s a difference between feeling lazy and having laziness be a defining personality trait.
The latter is marked by:
- Inability or outright unwillingness to conjure up even low amounts of effort to achieve simple tasks
- Not doing what you said you were going to do (even for simple tasks, again)
- Extreme procrastination to the point of avoidance
- Very minimal exertion outside of work
And guess what? Lazy people are a drain on everyone around them. Therefore, people who are chronically lazy are losers.
So I’m a Loser – What Now?
If you identified with many of these things, I’ll say this: you aren’t stuck here. A long time ago, I used to suffer from some of these as well, so this is all too familiar to me.
But in the mean time, here’s what you can do (and here’s what I did to remove myself from this):
- Implement the turnarounds – The turnarounds are meant to shift your thinking. They’re not meant to get you from 0 to 100 in a quick period of time. If they do, great – but the purpose is simply to bring your awareness to new ways of thinking.
- Take responsibility – Losers often don’t take responsibility for where they are in life. That’s a big problem because if you are an adult over the age of 18, no one is going to come to your parents or your teachers or the people who bullied you in school and ask them to take account for your actions. If something happened to you in the past, you may not be responsible for what happened but you are responsible for your response to it.
- Get motivated – Get motivated to change your life. Realize that no one is coming to save you. Again, it is your responsibility to be proactive in your own life. If you need help to do it, then get the help you need. Don’t just sit there and do nothing.
- Take action – Put your foot to the pedal. Do as many things as you can to reverse your situation. Be proactive and seek out solutions.
These three articles will also help you change your mindset and take action:
- How to Stop Being a Loser: 8 Ways to Break Out of Perpetual Misery
- How to Stop Being an NPC
- How to Go From Zero to Hero Through Relentless Action-Taking
Final Word: You Weren’t Born a Loser, You Became One Over Time
No man enters this world a loser.
You didn’t come out of the womb lazy, addicted, soft, or full of excuses.
That version of you was built, slowly, silently, through choices repeated over time.
But here’s the truth most men never hear:
If you became a loser, you can reverse it.
You can kill off the passive, numb, excuse-making version of you and build something better. You can redeem yourself.
Not for the approval of others. Not for Instagram likes or Snapchat streaks or TikTok clout…
But because deep down, you know this current life ain’t it.
Use the resources I linked above and start changing your life step by step.
Frequently Asked Questions About Living Like a Loser
Q1: What does it really mean to be a loser?
Being a loser is ultimately being someone who doesn’t contribute to the greater good of life. It’s the combination of inaction, excuses, weak habits, and a lack of purpose. It’s choosing comfort over growth. Losers stay the same. Winners evolve.
Q2: Can you stop being a loser if you’ve wasted years of your life?
Yes, but only if you stop justifying your past and start taking responsibility today. The timeline doesn’t matter. Most men are asleep into their 30s and wake up too late. You still have time, but not if you keep waiting.
Q3: Is watching porn, smoking weed, and playing video games really that bad?
If you control them, maybe not. But if they control you, they’re killing your drive. Losers numb themselves. Winners build. If your habits are killing your edge, you already know the answer.
Q4: Do I need to go full monk mode?
Not forever. But if your life is full of chaos, distraction, and weakness—you may need a reset. Monk Mode isn’t punishment. It’s a tactical phase of discipline designed to rebuild your core.
Q5: How long will it take to stop feeling like a loser?
Depends on your honesty, consistency, and intensity. Some feel it shift in 7 days. For others, it takes months. But one truth stands: every day you delay, you feed the loser version of you.
Q6: Do I have to do this alone?
No. You’re not the only one waking up from passive living. Download my 90 day below to get started and start building momentum.